


A Misunderstanding

by MostFacinorous



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Makeouts, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-29
Updated: 2013-08-29
Packaged: 2017-12-25 00:12:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/946366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MostFacinorous/pseuds/MostFacinorous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carlos is a little worried about what may be under Cecil's clothes. He tries to ask, but in the process, manages to give Cecil the wrong impression.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Misunderstanding

It wasn’t until the third date that Cecil realized there might be something a little… off… about the otherwise perfect Carlos. 

Now, Cecil was not inexperienced. He was, in fact, quite good at bedroom games, or so he’d been told a time or two. 

And he was always appreciative when a new partner asked questions about his body and his preferences before they were hot and heavy and too in the mood. Questions like, are you one of the people who hasn’t got pain receptors… good to know, and very sweet of them to worry about. 

Carlos’s line of questioning, on the other hand, well… it was a little… kinky. In ways that left Cecil somewhat disturbed. 

Now, he considered himself a relatively open minded individual, but “What, if any, extra appendages do you have?” sounded a little more like a question on one of the City Council’s incident report forms than something that should come up in negotiation talks for sexy time. Especially in so calm a voice—it was unnerving. And that wasn’t the last of it. 

“Do you have teeth anywhere other than your mouth? How about extra orifices? Has becoming physically involved with you caused any reactions to the skin of your past partners?” 

And that had opened a whole other can of worms—sure, if they were talking about not being safe, which Cecil wouldn’t even think about this early in a relationship, he would expect questions about old flames and any diseases they might have carried. But this seemed out of line.

“Have any of your boyfriends ever glowed? Floated? Had extra heads, eyes, arms, legs, hands, tails, or any thing else?” 

Cecil answered each question quietly, his eyes growing bigger and rounder as he drove and Carlos made notes on his phone. 

Finally, Carlos pushed his phone’s lock button decisively and grinned at Cecil, just as they pulled up in front of Carlos’s place. 

“Excellent.” He said, beaming. “Would you like to come in?” 

“I um. I have to go. I just remembered I promised to feed my neighbor’s giant scorpions. Um… I’ll. Call you tomorrow.” Cecil managed to stammer out.

“Oh. Alright. Uh… til tomorrow then!” Carlos leaned in to kiss him, and Cecil flinched, imagining all of the things that could come out of that seemingly harmless, incredibly distracting mouth.

Carlos pulled back, hurt written all over his face, and got out wordlessly.

Carlos closed the door, and Cecil drove off, his heart clutching at Carlos’s confused and disappointed face as reflected to him by the rearview mirror. 

But Cecil thought he might need a little time to get used to the idea that beautiful Carlos might have some –probably just as beautiful!-- extra parts hiding under that labcoat of his.

-*-

“-And I just don’t know what to do! I mean… what if lube doesn’t work on him, or he… I don’t know, what if the parts don’t fit together? Or if scientists are actually like praying mantises—THEY PULL HEADS OFF, you know!” 

The faceless old woman didn’t actually answer him; nor was she actually in the chair that Cecil was directing his rant to, but that was only to be expected. Since she was only ever visible out of the corner of your eye, it was impossible to look directly at her, and trying just made her have to move around. Which was, of course, quite rude, considering that she was quite old. In theory, at least. 

Still, Cecil thought he liked her. She was a very good listener, and he always felt better after talking to her. 

“But you’re right. This is Carlos we’re talking about. He calls for personal reasons and he kisses me, and takes me along with him to do science, which is so great, you know, when people share the things that they love with you, and he’s… so perfect. I bet whatever he looks like under that labcoat is just as perfect, even if it’s… not what I’m used to. I just hope nothing he has… hurts either of us. That labcoat is so bulky and wrinkly and long… who knows what it’s hiding.” 

He nodded to himself and went to his desk to get the wine glass that he’d sat there, while pacing, to keep from spilling it in his gesticulations. 

He looked up at the screen on his computer, and saw that the search page on google was open to a quote. He read it aloud.  
“The only thing we have to fear is fear and the time we spend making it worse. That, and scentless poison gasses.” 

“You’re right.” He told her. “I’ll call him now and ask to see him before I get a chance to whimp out again. Thank you, you give the very best advice.” And he meant it, too.  
What a sweet old woman. 

The phone rang twice before Carlos picked up, and his usually collected voice was hesitant.  
“Hello?” He asked. Cecil tried not to read between the lines—it was a normal enough greeting. So far so good. 

“What is sex like where you’re from?” He blurted, and had to stop himself from slamming his head down onto his desk—the only thing preventing the action was the surety that Carlos would hear it. He ran a silent hand down the side of his face that his phone wasn’t cradled to instead. 

“I—um, what?” Carlos stuttered out. Cecil felt a hot tide of embarrassment sweep up his neck. 

“I um. Sorry. That was—“

“No, no, it’s um. It’s fine. I guess I was sort of trying to ask you the same thing, earlier. Have you um. You’ve had sex before, haven’t you?” Carlos sounded so awkward, Cecil wished he could just curl up and die. 

“Y…eess…” he said slowly, “But I don’t think—not with… look I want you to know, it doesn’t matter what you look like, or what parts you have, my perfect, wonderful Carlos. I just know they will be as perfect as the rest of you. And I might be… surprised at first, but please please don’t take that as me rejecting you. I just… need time to get used to—“

“What are you talking about, Cecil? I don’t—I’m equipped just like every other guy I’ve ever known.” 

Cecil frowned, utterly lost and confused now.  
“But this afternoon, you were asking if I’d ever been with… glowing, floating, extra armed, extra holed individuals… I thought….” 

And then Carlos actually laughed.  
It was a rich, rolling sound, and Cecil couldn’t help but smile into the receiver at the relief he could hear behind it, even though he didn’t share it just yet. 

“Cecil, I thought you had extra bits.” Carlos said.  
And then Cecil did laugh. 

“Just to be clear,” Carlos said, once his mirth had died down, “Two arms, two legs, one penis?”

“Two testicles, two ass cheeks, one mouth and one butthole.” Cecil agreed. He couldn’t quite believe his luck. 

“Do you want to—“  
“Would you like to come over?” They spoke at once, their sentences jumbling together, and Cecil laughed again. 

“I’ve been drinking so if you want to come over here…?” He let the offer trail out.  
“Yeah. Yes, Cecil, I’d like that very much.” 

“Good. See you soon?” He asked softly, his voice dropping in anticipation.  
“Not long at all.” Carlos responded. 

They hung up and Cecil directed his attention to the chair that he usually spoke to when he was addressing the faceless old woman. 

“I’m having Carlos over. I got you some earplugs from the NRA, if you want them. They’re in the jar over the kitchen sink.” 

That taken care of, Cecil went on a mad dash cleaning spree, which ended when Carlos rang the doorbell. Cecil quickly straightened his shirt and answered the door, hoping he didn’t look like he’d just spent hours fretting over whether or not Carlos’s penis was three feet long and opposable, and if that was a good or bad thing. 

“Hey you.” He greeted, and Carlos smiled. 

“I’m here for personal reasons.” Carlos informed him, deadpan, though the half smile and the twinkle in his eye gave away the game. Still, Cecil played along. 

“So I gathered. Come on in. Would you like some wine?” He asked, trying to think of what else he could do to play the gracious host. 

“Wine sounds wonderful, thank you.” Carlos told him. 

“Oh, can I take your coat?” He asked, and Carlos grinned at him, shucking that layer. 

“Nothing hiding under it.” He said softly while he lay it across Cecil’s waiting arms. Cecil smiled sheepishly and ducked his head in agreement and to hide the flush on his cheeks. 

He came back from the kitchen with his wine replenished and a new glass for Carlos, and found him reading the screen on his computer.  
Before he had a chance to get embarrassed all over again, Carlos turned to face him, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose with two fingers. 

“If you’re worried about it, I can bring detectors over to check for gas leaks around the house.” 

The sound of a palm slapping a forehead echoed around the room, and Cecil had a feeling that those earplugs hadn’t come out just yet. 

“You’re more than welcome to poke around all you want.” Cecil told him, firmly pretending not to have heard anything.  
“…You’re sure you’re not just trying to get me to come back over?” Carlos asked, eyebrows rising in mirth. 

“Who says you get to leave?” He asked, handing over the wine glass. Carlos drank, wriggling his eyebrows over the rim of the stemware. 

“Might be a little soon for that, don’t you think?” 

Cecil felt his face fall and his eyes widen a little. 

“I didn’t mean to rush you, I wasn’t actually suggesting that you move in or…” 

Carlos sat his glass on the desk and stepped into Cecil’s personal space, effectively stopping his babbling by kissing him. 

“I just meant, you haven’t seen what I’m like yet. Don’t be so certain you’ll want to keep me around, until you know for sure.” He spoke against, almost into, Cecil’s mouth. 

“Silly Carlos. I was ready to take you with tentacles, extra limbs, teeth in vulnerable places, and the possibility of genital warts. Very little you can do will convince me I don’t want you now.” He didn’t mean to sound as intense and serious as he was sure he did, but the closeness and the pain buried under Carlos’s words made him want to take this seriously, and he only wished that both of his hands were free to hold his scientist as close to him as possible. 

“I thought, when you drove away, that you didn’t.” Carlos admitted, and Cecil felt his heart twist uncomfortably in his chest. 

“I wanted you before I even knew your name. Before you even knew who I was. I promise, no matter what happens tonight, that I’ll still want you tomorrow. And as long as you want me, I’m yours.” Cecil was still serious, but he was smiling as he said it, glad that he meant every word. 

Carlos looked mildly stunned, but he recovered admirably.  
“I should have known better.” He responded, his mouth twisting into a half smile that Cecil couldn’t help but want to kiss. So he did. 

The kiss changed after only a momentary hesitation, deepening and heating up until Carlos took the initiative, took Cecil’s wine glass, and sat it on the desk beside his own. 

Cecil looked at the two glasses, sitting side by side, where there usually was only one, and he felt his chest grow inexplicably warmer. 

His attention didn’t linger there for long, though, because it was tugged back to Carlos when he tugged Cecil’s shirt up and over his head. Cecil found himself panting when Carlos licked across the plane of Cecil’s collar bone.  
Cecil threaded his fingers into Carlos’s hair, and pressed his mouth harder against his skin, inviting Carlos to lick, bite, suck, and explore his body all he wanted.  
Carlos, though, pulled away. 

“Maybe… we should take this to bed?” He suggested, like the brilliant mind he was. 

“How did you get so smart?” Cecil asked, not giving Carlos a chance to answer before he gave him another pleased, slightly more breathless peck on the lips. 

Then he tugged them down the hall, towards his room, where they proceeded to discover the stunning normalcy of their respective bodies, and just how perfectly different they were.

**Author's Note:**

> Above them, in the helicopters with the diving birds of prey painted on the sides, two of The Creatures watched the proceedings, in much the same way zoo keepers would oversee animals mating in captivity. 
> 
> “Humans.” The one remarked to the other, nir third pair of eyes rolling. 
> 
> “They’re so disgusting. I wonder how the species ever manages to continue.” The other agreed, shaking nir left head slowly. 
> 
> “Seems to work for them.” The first shrugged. The second agreed, and used the tentacles sprouting from nir sides to adjust the camera’s angle.  
> They continued to observe the movements of the humans below through the night and well into the wee hours of the morning.


End file.
